


Drinking from a Salt Pond

by orphan_account



Series: Tender Is the Night [2]
Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Denial of Feelings, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 10:37:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18259574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “You’re offering to comfort me, aren’t you, Miles?”“Not comfort,” Miles corrected, but swallowed down the rest. He was offering to love Alex, as always. How could he not see something so painfully obvious?





	Drinking from a Salt Pond

**Author's Note:**

> A sequel to Heart in the Cage https://archiveofourown.org/works/16864891

Drinking from a Salt Pond

 

There were many years to come still.  Sometimes Miles wondered if this was the best option for them both. His mind spun and tangled, spiraling back to the beginning, yet in reality they were truly facing the end: the last show of their tour, the following hiatus of the band, the unavoidable goodbyes in the foreseeable future. 

Miles walked over to him, cautiously wrapping his arm around Alex’s shoulder. Alex turned to him and quickly whispered in Miles’ ear, “Look at them.” There was a weight to his words that create a sense of finality as he instructed. Miles could taste that on the tongue.

It was indeed everything he’d come to expect, after all.

“What a night, la. Best day of my life.” Alex chuckled when Miles whispered back in the middle of the song. They parted for a brief moment and Alex slightly bowed, the back of his neck exposed to Miles. The air enveloping them was too heavy to break by a joke or a cheer, so Miles just moved closer. This time it took some serious courage to put his arm around Alex. He succeeded on the third try.

There were tear tracks etched on his beautiful face when the song ended. One glance at Alex and Miles had to wipe at his own face.

It didn’t help when Alex’s heart jumped out of his pocket as he went down stairs to the audience. That little thing fumbled in the darkness for a while until it reached Miles, but then realizing there wasn’t a pocked this time for it to stay. Miles walked backwards as Alex’s heart kept knocking on his shin, until he had nowhere to go so it sat unhappily on his shoe. 

It also didn’t help when later Alex casually announced that this would be the end of _the Last Shadow Puppets_. Alex grabbed his heart, shoving it back into his pocket and logically there was nothing wrong for him to do so. Miles shouldn’t feel so much pain inside his chest at the sight of one simple, familiar move.

How did he manage to survive this last time? In a split second, Miles forgot they was on stage with thousands of pairs of eyes on them and he stopped smiling, gazing at the stage floor. He’s grateful that he had used the inhaler before coming onto the stage, otherwise the lack of oxygen would kill him right here.

 

+

 

It’s not like Miles was suddenly delusional after revealing his secret love to Alex. If asked, Miles would tell you he really did enjoy the unexpected freedom at first. It’s never his greatest strength to hide things. Especially when Alex was around and close, breath-taking and appealing yet nearly oblivious to his own charm.

Miles still locked his heart in that cage, now he knew what it felt like for it to be held in Alex’s hands. He bet his heart was going to do some embarrassing shit if he ever let it out again. 

Alex seemed to recover from that night pretty well. For the first few weeks after returning to LA, they would still meet up frequently and acted as joint twins. It was a weird way to reassure them both that nothing would ruin what they always had for all those years.

Miles hated those nights. He hated them as much as he loved them. He hated that Alex was right beside him but belonged to someone else. He loved that inside Alex’s eyes the only thing was the reflection of himself.

Alex did spare Miles from constant reminders of how ridiculous thing had turned out by never trying to kiss Miles on the mouth again. Mercifully.

 

+

 

It started with occasional arguments he had with Hannah after the summer went away. The exciting air in LA suddenly was no longer able to boost his spirit. Miles hided in his house if he got nothing planned. And the only plans that seemed to excite him were his nights out with Alex, which were reduced to once a month at most.

“What’s wrong with you?” She demanded, and Miles was just as confused. He blamed it on the coming winter, although in California winters were as innocent as the non-existed snow.

Then came the phase when they argued constantly. Miles could not recall any of them specifically afterwards, only the draining feeling of anger and dread. Miles hated to think that this was the end, for when they didn’t fight, she was still scarily beautiful in his eyes and he did love her.

He loved her as much as he could with his heart locked away.

Things seemed to get better as Christmas approached. On the flight to London, Hannah laughed at all the silly jokes he made, and they held hands all the way back until the plane landed. For the next two weeks they stayed this way. Miles had nothing to complain.

The cold breeze of England woke him up, making him shiver as Miles leaned forward to kiss her. Hannah kissed him back lazily. She smelled like fragrance, dry shampoo and Miles’ favorite brand of detergent. Miles was not the domestic type, but surely, he could enjoy some homemade happiness.

However, there must be some toxic stuff in the atmosphere of LA that made him a fool. Miles was totally unprepared when the good times came into a halt. One minute they were talking softly and the next thing he knew, they were shouting insults into each other’s face as if there was no tomorrow left for them to share. 

“It’s just-I don’t understand.” His voice became raspy because of all the yelling. 

“You don’t,” Hannah sneers with an ironic crooked smile. She looked more sad than mad. “You are just too busy reading somebody else’ bloody mind!”

Miles stared back. At that very moment he was genuinely puzzled. “What?”

“You can’t even show me your heart, Miles. How am I supposed to believe a single word that’s coming out of your mouth? You can’t understand why we’re fighting because you don’t fucking ever pay attention. Not really.”

She took in a deep breath. The expression on her face cut Miles open, her words even more so. “The worst part is that you don’t even realize what you’re doing. I don’t blame you, Miles. I feel sorry for you. I really do.”

 

+

 

It was an abrupt breakup after all.

Alex came over. When he entered the room, Miles could instantly tell Alex had not been having the best time himself recently. It was because of the way Alex moved, or the extra shot of gin he put in his own drink. Miles didn’t try to read into Alex’s head intentionally. He just knew. Simple as that.

Right there, Hannah’s accusation sank in, and all of sudden Miles couldn’t stand up straight anymore.

Alex sat down next to him. Their knees were touching. Miles used to be able to resist the temptation so well. Now Miles was perplexed how it could become ten times harder simply because he was aware that Alex knew about his heart’s desire.

“Is it too late?” Miles asked recklessly. He could feel his heart struggling in the cage like crazy.

“Too late for what?” Alex murmured back, fingers tapping on the glass. He also heard the vague bumping noises coming from the bedroom and frowned deeply, turning back to look at Miles’ in the eyes.

 _For us._ Miles wanted to say. But eventually he changed his mind because Alex was heart-free right now, his heart safe in Taylor’s hands just a few minutes away from here. 

Instead he said, “Dinner?”

Alex smiled, stretching out a hand for him to hold onto. They ended up eating chips and fried chicken in a bar with Alex gazing over Miles carefully. His eyes were filled with concern, comfort and adoration. When Miles was drunk enough, he let himself imagine Alex looked a bit disappointed as well.

 

+

 

Miles woke up alone in his own bed, his head pounding, a constant ache inside his ribcage.

The bedroom still smelled like Hannah. The pair of parrots she had gifted him were still in his living room. Miles dragged himself into the kitchen for a cup of water. He picked up the cup Alex used yesterday, and on the edge of the glass all he could taste was _a lingering hope._

Once again, he remembered her words.

 _Did it always have to come to this?_  Miles staggered over against the drew where he kept his heart in. His chest aches bloomed into a full-on torture when Miles picked his heart up, gulping in shock.

There was a fresh wound on his beating heart where the bruise used to be.

 

+

 

Miles did get a glass jar for his heart after all. 

It seemed so ironic to take Alex’s advice on this matter. So much so that sometimes Miles wanted to smash the jar and just shouted at his stupid heart until it stopped craving. He could not get out of the door. Keeping in touch with his friends became a draining task and every time he played the guitar he was taken back to Paris. 

He woke up feeling guilty some days, completely convinced by Hannah’s words and dying to ruin Alex’s love relationship. Other days he woke up with bitter anger, blaming her for putting this idea in his head and accusing him of committing a crime he didn’t even get to try. They were saying Miles was devastated because of the breakup. In a way, he was, hunted by the idea of losing something he never had owned.

His heart bled on days that were the worst. Miles drugged it with whatever he could find- painkillers, alcohol and sometimes sleeping pills.

He didn’t go to see Alex for a while.

 

+

 

It was raining outside. Miles had one of his windows open in the kitchen and the sound of storm masked the dead silence in the room. He didn’t realize his heart was gone until the touch came- 

Miles shot up from the sofa, panicking. He casted a glance at the jar on the tea table and found out he forgot to put on the cap. His heart was no longer there, and now he felt a familiar touch even with the distance in between. 

He rushed out of the door, desperately trying to take it back. Miles could never understand how Alex could cope with the fear of not having his heart at somewhere secure and safe. Miles felt naked although his damp clothes clung onto his skin in the rain. 

Half way to Alex’s flat, Miles found him on the side of the road, waiting. Alex held his heart in one hand and a big black umbrella in the other. The touch was unnecessarily sweet and tender. Miles was shaking all over. He walked over to Alex in silence until he was also under the umbrella.

Alex held Miles’ heart closer to himself, obviously protective. “What happened, Miles?” The worry in his voice was tainted by anger. Alex let Miles have it back. He then combed his fingers through Miles’ long hair, bottom lip caught between the teeth while tugging Miles' dripping hair back.

That was it. Miles’ heart struggled out of his hands and leaped into Alex’s arms. Miles let out a chocking sound, trying fruitlessly to take it away. Alex dropped the umbrella in a hurry to catch Miles’ heart. He was taken aback by the explosion of fondness, gazing at it with wide eyes,

“I can’t help it.” Miles admitted brokenly as Alex held his heart once again. Alex’s face was kissed by the never-ending droplets. In his eyes, the struggle was dolorous and painful. A flash of sheer thirst was washed away by the rain. Miles stepped closer and cupped Alex’s face in both hands, dropping a desperate kiss on his sealed lips.

 

+

 

It didn’t take a genius mind to figure out that Alex was avoiding him.

Five weeks later Miles was almost certain that he had simply dreamed that Alex kissed him back the other day in the pouring rain. He sent out loads of drunk texts which were never replied. Miles called him once as well. Taylor picked up and told him Alex was in the shower. She said he could just come over later and Alex would be available. 

The reality hit Miles like a train and his courage was smashed into dusts. Taylor was also his friend and Alex was in love with her. What was he trying to do here?

Miles hung up. He didn’t come to Alex’s door, nor did he try to call again.

 

+

 

In a warm, dry morning, Alex called.

“Miles.” His voice was low. The greetings were skipped. “Are you free this afternoon?”

Miles had an appointment with the dentist, but he missed Alex so much that he’d even skip his own wedding.

“Some barbecue and party.” Alex paused. He suddenly sounded nervous. “I said I’d bring my mate.”

Miles blinked at the jar on the table. His heart was quiet still from the sleeping pills he gave it earlier this morning. He had woken up thinking about Alex and his heart was bleeding like it just fought a fucking battle in a sea of needles.

This was the chance Alex offered for him to grab and bring thing back to normal.

“I’m thinking about going back.” He blurred out; a bit surprised by his own words.

Alex was silent for a long time. When he finally spoke, he sounded tired. “To where?”

“London, probably. I don’t know. Maybe next year.” Miles closed his eyes. “I missed it.”

He was also referring to the days they spent together as best friends in Alex’s London flat. Back then Miles didn’t know. He thought Alex only had a clumsy heart and he hid his own at the bottom of his luggage. Soon Alex was dating Alexa. _All those years. All those missed opportunities._ He really couldn’t blame anyone but himself.

“See you later then.” Miles said, taking Alex’s offer of friendship.

Drinking from a salt pond was better than nothing.

 

+

 

Miles did figure out a way to let out his longing and frustration eventually. It took several ugly breakdowns over the strings of his guitar and late-night conversations with his friends. _His other friends, of course._

At least he could sing his heart out. Music always kept him together in the end. 

It was before Miles went back to the UK for promotions and gigs for his new album. Alex called, asking him over.

Miles was surprised to see him alone in the house, hovering over a record player in his pyjamas like an old man. Alex had grown a beard. Miles was not very fond of that. It made Alex look more ghostly and tired than he already was.

They seldom saw each other during the past months. Both were kept busy with writing and recording. Alex gave him the demo record right after they finished the studio work. Miles played it probably more often than he should. The thing Alex did was just marvellous.

“Let me show you something.” Alex sat down in front of the piano. His fingers dancing on keys and muffled lyrics were filled in. Miles stared. He stared for it was such a beautiful tune yet filled with undisguised sorrow of which he could not understand the source.

Suddenly, Miles was ashamed by how selfish he’d been. Miles put his hand around his shoulder after the song ended and Alex turned back, his forehead touching Miles’ collar bone. “Al?” Miles asked softly. Alex shook his head.

Miles immediately gave up on getting an answer. They sat there, pressed tightly into each other until the sun was completely swallowed by the horizon.

 

+

 

In the middle the summer, Alex broke up with Taylor.

Miles was among the first ones to know. They had two festival dates together and Miles stayed longer, tugging along with the monkeys just to make sure Alex was feeling alright. 

Alex was even quieter than usual, lost in his own head most of the time. Miles hated himself for not keeping up with him. He had no idea why Alex would end the relationship out of blue.

He wasn’t left wondering for too long though.

After the third night of watching Alex from the side stage, Miles was dragged into the tour bus when they left mid-party for a smoke. Alex had too much to drink tonight even it was still fairly early. He pushed Miles against the door so forcefully that Miles felt dizzy for a few seconds. Alex’s mouth was on his when he came around, taking his breath away.

Something hit the side of his body heavily, causing Miles to hiss and pull away. He looked down, realizing it was Alex’s heart demanding to be picked up. He laughed breathlessly, stretching out the fingers and Alex’s heart landed right into his palm. Miles held it to his chest, smiling so wide that his face hurt.

“Al-” 

He was shushed by another brutal kiss. Miles thought about fighting for control, but then figured it was best for Alex to have it for now-he was sad and worn out. Miles went compliant under his grip, letting him take whatever he needed.

When they parted for oxygen, Miles again tried to say something. It was interrupted the second time by Alex’s drunken, grumpy remark. “I’m not in the mood, Miles. “

“I’ll let you-” Miles stopped abruptly, realizing it really did sound extra pathetic. And that, was just the beginning of what he was asking for. Alex figured out what Miles was gonna say even before the next breath filled his lungs. His gaze became heavier and sharper, wandering on Miles’ heaving chest.

Alex stepped back, gesturing Miles to come forward. They moved inside until Alex was sitting on the bed and Miles kneeled down beside him, letting Alex leave ghostly touch along his jaw. “You’re offering to comfort me, aren’t you, Miles?”

“Not comfort,” Miles corrected, but swallowed down the rest. _He was offering to **love** Alex, as always. How could he not see something so painfully obvious? _Miles thought, mocked by his own stupidity.

He wasn’t to be agonizing over it at this point.

 

+

 

The talk was pushed back until they were both in London, and it didn't end up as what Miles was hoping for. 

“Friends do have their ups and downs, yeah...but I’m right here and I always know where you’d be. If we were to be together, when it ends, it ends.” There was something weirdly honest in Alex’s eyes, as if the warmth in the air had fuddled his mind. Miles couldn’t quite tell what exactly that was though. He had lost his super power to read what’s going on inside Alex’s head somewhere in the past months, without realizing when and how.

“Who said that there had to be an end?” He argued weakly. A feeble hope jolted in his stomach, struggling to climb up onto his tongue. Miles grimaced when he had to admit that it didn’t even sound upbeat to his own ear. 

“Miles.” To his blunt last attempt, Alex just breathed out quietly. Only Miles’ name escaped from those sealed lips. That’s probably the word that would hurt the least.

“Alright then.” He’s not even surprised this time, only silently blaming himself for even bringing it up. Miles even pushed himself into smiling. It had become easier and easier. “Guess we are in one of the downs, huh?” 

Alex shook his head, but he did not follow when Miles got up to leave. 

Again, that’s not something that would take Miles by surprise. At this point he supposed it was part of the very nature of their relationship anyway.

It didn’t stop his stupid heart from bleeding a bit in the jar. When Miles got into the cab and pulled it out, the water had turned into a light shade of pink already. He huffed out a shaky curse, fumbling in the pocket for painkillers. “Stop whining.” He said to the sadly looking thing, dropped one pill in the water, and then sat and watched it dissolving into the water. The driver was looking at him in horror, but Miles ignored him. 

The throbbing pain inside his chest died down. “Aren’t you pathetic?” Miles poked at the glass wall of the jar, sneering. His face was wet. 

Miles tossed the jar onto the empty seat beside him and asked the man to drive. He wanted to get away from this place. _Thank God London was a big city._

 

+

 

It took him two days to realize there was another heart in his damn pocket.

Miles was furious this time, glaring at Alex’s ridiculous dickhead of a heart as if it could kill him. “Why are you following me around, ah?” He shouted at it, grimaced when the heart trembled as if it could understand him perfectly. “Fine, you know what? I’m not going to be a fucking postman and send you back. Not this time!”

He laughed afterwards, realizing he was lashing out at only Alex’s heart. Miles picked it up gently, couldn’t help but give it a little kiss. “I love you.” Miles whispered, his own heart aching. Alex’s heart jumped out of his hands and fell onto his bed, landing right next to Miles’ jar. 

“You little shit.” Miles cursed bitterly, walking over to free his own heart. The bleeding had stopped, but it was still somewhat lifeless, squirming under his fingers weakly. Miles put it on the bedsheet and Alex’s heart immediately moved over, nuzzling at his own.

The moment they came into touch; Miles broke into tears.

 

+

 

The door was open before Miles even knocked on it.

“Thanks for bringing it back.” Alex took his heart back and tossed it into its usual hiding place. His eye bags were worrying. Miles couldn’t help but frown at how haggard he was. Alex looked at him with a tentative smile. He was almost sheepish as Miles shrugged. 

“My pleasure.” He forced himself to smile as well, not knowing what else to do. It had been too exhausting of a journey and Miles had got his hopes up again and again for nothing. Now was probably not the best time to make the same mistake.

Alex grasped at his wrist when Miles was about to turn back and leave.

“Please,” His fingers were warm. “Stay with me?”

Anger flickered in his stomach and Miles shook off his hand, closing in on Alex. “What, Alex? You want me to sit down and have some tea? Want me to show how good of a friend that I can be?”

“No! No-nothing like that.” Alex cringed slightly. For a second, he looked like he was about to bolt. But then Alex swallowed and took one step forward. There were barely three inches between them. “I want you to know that I’m sorry.” His lashes shivered as Alex looked down. “I want you to know that I was wrong.”

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.” Miles warned. He was so fucking scared yet also blindly hopeful. _Again._

“Give me your heart, Miles.” Alex demanded. The way he put it made it sound like a vow. Miles gave in and handed the jar over. His heart was not in its best condition. It was no longer lively and powerful as it should be even as Alex held it close, giving the wounds open mouthed kisses.

“Don’t worry.” He cooed. “We’ll fix you, okay?”

With that, he put Miles’ heart into his own pocket as well. Miles could sense it when their hearts touched. Alex looked up to find his eyes again. “I’m so sorry.” He repeated, lifting up his chin, baring his throat as a gesture of surrender. “I could never persuade it to stay away from you. It was like that from the very start, you know? I was scared that you’d stop returning it if we were to be something more and thing didn’t work out because no way I could ever stop loving you-”

Miles shut him up with a bittersweet kiss. He poured all his frustration, fear, anger and love all into it in replacement of a verbal answer.

“Is it too late?” Alex asked, moaning as Miles sucked on the skin behind his ear.

“Never.” Miles told him honestly, smiling like a little boy. He forgave Alex way too easily. Always. “Take you long enough though.”

Alex held onto him like Miles was the only thing that he’d love to touch, and with that, the suffocating pain that had been nesting in his chest for months was gone.

 

 

+END+


End file.
